Clara Zetkin, spiritual grandmother of many great revolutionizes of the last century, hung out with Russian revolutionaries in Paris and may have originated Women’s Day.

Celebrated by women of all reputes for a hundred years, International Women’s Day (IWD) is an undying symbol of ultimate penis-envy and desire to equate the unequal. Dorks always had difficulty attracting ladies, in 1909 leaders of the Socialist Party of America declared March 8 International Woman’s Day in a vain effort to get laid more often.

Some say that the real origins lay in the birthday celebration of Clara Zetkin, a major figure in early socialism. It was Paris, sometime prior to 1910, when she and other socialists went rowdy after the party and when confronted by police they explained themselves by saying that they were celebrating IWD. Police still arrested them prompting other socialists to public demonstrations and maybe a bomb or two. This proves that even back in the day Russians were great with making excuses to be drunk and police in the wimpy nation of France is not to be joked with. Be it as it may, back in the day when women entered the workforce in significant numbers they begun to demand rights such as equal treatment under law and voting, March 8 became their day of counting the obstacles to overcome.

In Soviet Union, where all sexes were equally screwed by the system, the day became the equivalent of Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day combined, plus the liquor. In school, boys collected money and prepared small presents for all the girls. They were things like pens and erasers and stuff, all the same of course. Smaller children drew pictures of flowers for their mothers and husbands shaved and abstained from overconsuming alcohol as a sign of respect for their wives and lovers.

Today the holiday is observed by socialists and normal people alike, especially in the Russian territories including temporary-independent nations of Ukraine, Poland, Belarus, Latvia and others less significant. Let’s admit it, women have achieved significant gains. Even in dark and dump corners of the world women advanced their interests to the point that would be hard to imagine a century ago. For instance, in Kazakhstan women can now ride INSIDE the bus!

Comrade, celebrate our partners of female persuasion and pretend for a day that they are not only equal but truly superior to us. Bring flowers to your girlfriend and call your mother.  Celebrate all things girly but do not give disease a chance.

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